There was a point in my life where I genuinely stopped recognising myself.

Not physically at first. Emotionally.

It happened slowly. So slowly that I don't think I even realised it was happening until it had already consumed years of my life.

At first, it showed up in my relationships, especially with my partner. Small frustrations suddenly felt unbearable. Anger became fury. Sadness became overwhelming grief. Fear turned into a suffocating anxiety I couldn't explain.

I was exhausted all the time, yet I couldn't sleep.

I would wake up constantly throughout the night, drenched in sweat, my heart racing, feeling like my body was no longer my own. During the day, I felt emotionally raw. Irritable. Fragile. Unlike myself in ways I didn't know how to put into words.

And perhaps the hardest part of all was the shame.

Because when you start changing into someone even you don't recognise, it becomes incredibly difficult to explain it to the people around you. I tried so hard to hide what I was going through. To keep functioning. To keep showing up as the version of myself everyone expected me to be.

But internally, I was struggling more and more each day.

After multiple GP visits, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

And while mental health absolutely matters and deserves serious support, something about the diagnosis never fully explained what was happening to me physically or emotionally.

There was little curiosity about the wider picture. Little discussion about hormones. Little connection made between my symptoms and the fact I was also rapidly developing osteoporosis, something we now know can be linked to declining oestrogen levels during and after menopause.

So I spent years feeling misunderstood.

Years wondering why I couldn't "pull myself together".

Years believing maybe this was simply who I had become.

What I didn't realise at the time was that many women entering perimenopause and menopause experience symptoms that can closely resemble depression and anxiety disorders.

And yet, so many of us are never told that.

The Symptoms Nobody Warns Women About

When most people think about menopause, they think about hot flushes.

But nobody prepares women for the emotional and neurological side of it.

Nobody tells you it can feel like:

• crushing anxiety
• panic attacks
• insomnia
• rage
• emotional numbness
• brain fog
• memory issues
• heart palpitations
• loss of confidence
• exhaustion
• feeling disconnected from yourself

For many women, these symptoms arrive while they are still working, parenting, caregiving, managing households and trying to hold relationships together.

So instead of recognising hormonal changes, many of us blame ourselves.

We tell ourselves we're failing. Too emotional. Too tired. Too sensitive. Too unstable.

When in reality, our bodies may be going through one of the most significant hormonal shifts of our lives.

Why So Many Women Are Misdiagnosed

One of the biggest problems with perimenopause is that there is currently no single definitive test that diagnoses it in every woman.

Hormone levels fluctuate constantly during this stage, which means blood tests alone are not always reliable, particularly for women over 45. Because of this, many menopause specialists emphasise that diagnosis should also involve symptom history and wider clinical understanding.

But unfortunately, many women still report feeling dismissed or unheard when seeking help.

Research has shown that women during perimenopause are at an increased risk of experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety. Fluctuating oestrogen levels can affect neurotransmitters involved in mood regulation, while chronic sleep disruption from night sweats and insomnia can further worsen emotional wellbeing.

And yet menopause is still often missing from the conversation.

Especially when symptoms appear primarily psychological.

The Emotional Cost of Feeling Unseen

I think one of the most painful parts of the experience was not understanding what was happening to me.

When nobody connects the dots for you, you start creating your own explanations.

You think:

"Maybe I'm just not coping."

"Maybe I'm becoming difficult."

"Maybe this is just who I am now."

That uncertainty chips away at your confidence over time.

And I know now that I am far from alone in that experience.

What I Wish More Women Knew

If there is one thing I hope women take from my story, it's this:

Please do not ignore what your body is trying to tell you.

Track your symptoms.

Pay attention to patterns.

Notice changes in your sleep, mood, anxiety levels, energy, memory, cycles and emotional wellbeing.

Because sometimes when all the symptoms are looked at together, the picture becomes much clearer.

And most importantly: advocate for yourself.

If you feel dismissed, keep asking questions.

You deserve healthcare professionals who are willing to look at the full picture, not just isolated symptoms.

Practical Things That May Help Women Get Answers Sooner

• Keep a detailed symptom diary including emotional symptoms, physical symptoms, sleep patterns, menstrual cycle changes, hot flushes, night sweats and cognitive changes such as brain fog or memory issues.
• Bring a written timeline of your symptoms to medical appointments. Because symptoms often develop gradually, many women unintentionally minimise them during consultations.
• Specifically ask whether perimenopause or menopause could be contributing to your symptoms — particularly if you are over 40 and experiencing mood changes alongside physical symptoms.
• If possible, seek out a healthcare professional with menopause-specific experience or training, as awareness and confidence around menopause care can vary significantly between practitioners.
• Request investigations into related health changes that may connect to hormonal decline, such as bone density concerns, changes in cholesterol, sleep disruption or irregular bleeding.
• Do not focus only on the emotional symptoms when seeking help. Many women are diagnosed solely through anxiety or depression presentations because the wider physical symptoms are not discussed during appointments.
• Consider using validated menopause symptom questionnaires or trackers before appointments, as these can help create a clearer clinical picture and support more informed conversations.

Most Importantly…

Women need to know they are not "going crazy".

They are not weak.

And they are not alone.

Because sometimes what looks like depression on the surface may actually be a woman silently navigating profound hormonal change without the awareness or support she deserves.

And that has to change.